First Post

Well, I went out and got myself a blog. The only place so far away from myself that no one will ever find this. Which is good. I'm not entirely sure why I'm about to write, or what I'm about to write about. All I know is that I feel so incredibly sad right now. I have such an urge to cut right now, even though I promised my boyfriend I would stop. I don't know why I can't stop, I don't know why I ever turned to cutting. All it does is cause problems. A little bit of relief, and then days full of worrying if people saw the cuts, making up excuses. I'm not that clumsy of a person, but with how much my cats and dogs "Scratch" me, people must think I'm the biggest klutz in the world. 
I think knoiw I'm depressed, but I'm too scared to go to the doctor because I'm scared my parents or friends will find out. Some days it's worse then others. Sometimes I can pretend I'm fine and then sometimes I curl up with a blade and just think horrible things. 

Sometimes I imagine that I'm a stranger, seeing myself for the first time. And I wonder what people think? If they can sense my sadness or something, or what they think when they see the cuts on my wrist? Do they find it funny? Do they think im a freak? Do they feel sad, because they've felt the same way before?

I just dont know. I dont know why i created this stupid thing. I hope noone ever reads it. But I guess i just wanted to write but having an actual physical diary is to risky . oh well.


goodnight world.