oooo sexyy lady,

well.
I done fucked up majorally on the diet today. Ate a buffet. I  managed to keep it to three plates, and one was all fruit. but still. not good. not good.
i didnt eat anything else today though, so at least I was able to control that. I saw my best friend:) that was great::)
horrible day at work.
thats about it.


goal: 125 pounds.

mood: determined



night world!

so shame on me

Hello again.
Today was a little bit better then yesterday. I don't feel near as depressed as I did then. My head hurts a little, but I think that's just because I've only eaten a little bit in the past two days. I'm really trying to lose weight. Everyone always tells me that I'm skinny enough, but I'm really not. I really don't have much to say today. I just slept a while and then went to work.


well, tomorrow, or i guess today since it's past midnight is Friday :D
My best friend comes back from college so I get to hang out with her and im really excited about that. I have to work though so that's definitely not fun.

goal: get skinny.
must stay motivated.

night world!

First Post

Well, I went out and got myself a blog. The only place so far away from myself that no one will ever find this. Which is good. I'm not entirely sure why I'm about to write, or what I'm about to write about. All I know is that I feel so incredibly sad right now. I have such an urge to cut right now, even though I promised my boyfriend I would stop. I don't know why I can't stop, I don't know why I ever turned to cutting. All it does is cause problems. A little bit of relief, and then days full of worrying if people saw the cuts, making up excuses. I'm not that clumsy of a person, but with how much my cats and dogs "Scratch" me, people must think I'm the biggest klutz in the world. 
I think knoiw I'm depressed, but I'm too scared to go to the doctor because I'm scared my parents or friends will find out. Some days it's worse then others. Sometimes I can pretend I'm fine and then sometimes I curl up with a blade and just think horrible things. 

Sometimes I imagine that I'm a stranger, seeing myself for the first time. And I wonder what people think? If they can sense my sadness or something, or what they think when they see the cuts on my wrist? Do they find it funny? Do they think im a freak? Do they feel sad, because they've felt the same way before?

I just dont know. I dont know why i created this stupid thing. I hope noone ever reads it. But I guess i just wanted to write but having an actual physical diary is to risky . oh well.


goodnight world.